Talking Money in your relationship

"For better or worse til death do us part"... Imagine yourself slynkey girls, floating down the aisle in a beautiful white dress and living happily ever after. Oh how glorious, but, and it is a big BUT - have you had that talk yet? No not that talk - the money talk.

You will know that close to fifty per cent of marriages end in divorce. Divorce not only emotionally devastates the couple involved (and their families) but it is financially devastating too. It behoves you then to protect your joint financial future.

You will have read that I advocate financial plans for everyone and especially for couples. A joint financial plan is more important than who to invite to the wedding, what to wear, how to decorate the tables, photography, videography, what to eat and so on.

Now before you write the plan you need to have the talk. The talk is your starting point for your financial lives. What should we talk about you ask? Start with talking about how your parents handled money - this is not as silly as it sounds - our financial behaviour is modelled on that of our parents. Did your parents fight about money; did you mother hide her purchases from your father; did your father handle all financial issues and exclude your mother? Set some ground rules for your financial discussions.

Next move on to credit, do you both pay accounts when they are due or pay late? Are either of you in arrears with regular payments such as rent? If one of you is more casual than the other in this area it can be a cause for conflict.

Working out who will manage the money on a day to day basis follows on from this. Remember the person who pays the bills is the person who has control - and money is power. Ask yourselves should the person who makes all or most of the money make the financial decisions? If one partner earns more than the other, should they put proportionately more money into supporting the household? This is a good time to delve into on of the many websites, such as www.sorted.org.nz and plan your income and expenditure.

Finally discuss just how much money you want to have or earn. If one of you is driven to acquire wealth and possessions whereas the other is not, conflict will arise.

If this sounds all too difficult for you I suggest you both complete the following quiz as a great conversation starter.

Answer the following questions: either YES, NO or RARELY

• Do you spend money wisely?
• Do you buy designer label clothes?
• Do you lend money to friends?
• Do you buy a new car before yours has gone 100,000 kilometres?
• Do you expect national superannuation to be enough when you retire?
• Do you take anyone grocery shopping with you?
• Do you keep savings in low interest accounts?
• Do you spend a lot at Christmas time?
• Do you have difficulty saving money?
• Do you take courses that offer instruction on how to make easy money?
• Do you grocery shop without a list?
• Do you invest your money in things you don't understand?
• Do you buy items sight unseen?
• Do you buy items just because they are advertised as new and improved?
• Do you drive to work by yourself?
• Do you buy life insurance for your kids?
• Do you often buy something you do not really need, just because it's on sale?
• Do you buy expensive gifts for yourself or others?
• Do you order from TV infomercials?
• Do you buy lottery tickets regularly?
• Do you believe that you will win?
• Do you take out credit card loans?
• Do you invest your money on the advice of strangers?
• Do you believe that a boat or a summer cottage is a good investment?
• Do you often eat at expensive restaurants?

Effective financial communication skills are essential to maintain the romance in your relationship. Once you have reduced the possibility of financial conflict you can move onto creating a joint financial plan for your future together.

By Sheryl Sutherland - B.A (Otago), Dip.F.A.C (Otago), DipPFinPlan (Waikato)